-TV FICTION CLASSICS

BORN TO BE curls, while a gold hoop and a small diamond stud adorned each ear. Her makeup matched her clothing perfectly. She bashfully held her hands together with her fingers intertwined, revealing long nails that matched her lipstick. She was gorgeous! "I thought you were bringing Ted home. Who's this?" I asked, totally confused.

"Karen, meet our daughter, Barbie. Barbie, this is your mother," Bob introduced.

"Barbie? My daughter? I don't understand. I thought you were bringing Ted to live with us," I gasped in confusion. Bob laughed, "Don't you recognize your own son?"

"I don't. . .uh.. .Ted? Is that you? It can't be!"

"Y...yes, it's me," the girl whined in a tiny voice. "Is that you, D. . .dad?"

"S...say it isn't true," I whispered. "Say you didn't turn my son into this lovely creature!"

"Yes, dear. This is. . .or. . .was Ted. Now she is Barbie Anne Reynolds, our daughter."

"How could you allow Bob to change you into this lovely piece of fluff?" I asked Ted in a quaking voice.

"I should ask you the same thing," the girl squeaked, her high pitched voice cracking. "You can't be my father!"

Ted and I stared at each other for the longest time before Bob broke the ice. "You are both right. Karen, this is Ted. He agreed to impersonate my daughter, like you agreed to become my wife. Like you, he is being paid well. Don't you think he turned out quite nicely?"

I could barely stand. Bob had done the same thing with my homophobic son that he had done with me, obviously using the same carrot. This lovely creature bore little resemblance to my son.

"Barbie, this is your former father!" Bob continued. "Former?" Ted asked in a trembling voice.

"Yes! She is now my lovely wife, Karen, just as you are my daughter."

I couldn't stand any longer and stumbled to the sofa. Ted wasn't doing any better and joined me.

Bob continued, "This is the last time you will refer to each other by your former names. From now on, you are both females, the Reynolds women. Karen, this young girl is our fifteen year old daughter, Barbie. Barbie, this is my wife, Karen. She is your mother, and you will address her as Mother or Mom. Do you both understand?"

We stared at him with unblinking eyes and weakly nodded our heads. Our world had turned upside down. The Lamb men were now the Reynolds women.

A DAUGHTER

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I was astonished to find a lovely teenage girl standing next to Bob instead of my spiteful son.